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This year signifies a full decade since the term “vanishing” hit the public consciousness. Initially, the idea that someone could instantly end communication with a partner without any notice seemed like the peak of disrespect. We were so innocent. In the decade since, seeking a mate has only become more bewildering – an oftentimes fruitless endeavor in embarrassment that is increasingly defined by online slang.

Generation Z, a cohort who came of age during a social isolation epidemic, a masculinity reckoning, and a coordinated attack on the rights of females and the queer community, faces a far messier terrain than their millennial predecessors could ever envision. And so their dating vocabulary has grown longer and more bizarre, with expressions like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” testing the limits of your sanity.

What follows is a detailed guide to the phrases gen Z is using to discuss love, sex and the pursuit of both. To channel one of the recent most viral online sayings, by the end of this guide you’ll ache to get back to simpler times – because where that is, it lacks “ideological catfishing”.

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The Letter A

Genuineness – For Zoomers, romance's ideal is showing up as your real, unvarnished self. Good luck with that!

The Letter B

Bird theory – A online phenomenon loosely based on a test developed by relationship scientists, in which you mention something insignificant – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and note whether your date's reply is interested or brushed off. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Black cat girlfriend – Gen Z’s answer to the “quirky fantasy girl” trope of the early 2000s – but instead of having baby bangs, liking indie music and avoiding commitment, the mysterious partner prioritizes herself while radiating enigma and self-sufficiency. (She might still have baby bangs.)

C

Support test – This refers to seeking out someone who helps you unprompted. If you entered a room, they would get a chair for you to sit down.

Choremance – A date where two people connect while doing chores, such as walking the dog or food shopping. In other words, how broke young adults do affordable romance in a inflation-era world.

Crashing out – Losing it when you feel swamped by life. You can spiral over a infatuation or split, venting all of your (unrequited) feelings.

The Letter D

DINK – Two incomes, no children. Once a signifier of 1980s yuppie affluence, it describes partners who opt out of parenthood to prioritize their own happiness. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

The Letter E

Emotional vibe coding – The antithesis of playing it cool: embracing dialogue, honesty and openness.

F

Flags

• Warning signs – Personal traits indicating a potential partner is bad news. Such as calling their former partners crazy, poor gratuity habits, a fondness for Woody Allen films, a nascent DJ career …
• Positive signs – These traits affirm your choice to pursue a partner. For instance checking in to make sure you got home safe after a date, minimal screen time, owning a bed frame …
• Neutral quirks – These usually describe specific, largely benign idiosyncrasies. For instance being an enthusiastic birdwatcher, still keeping a biro in their bag, paying rent in cash …

Niche bonding – When you connect with someone who’s just as obsessive about documentaries about the second world war or physical media hoarding or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, conversely, meeting someone who despises the same stuff or people that you do (few things creates intimacy faster than having a common enemy).

G

The band Geese – A band your gen Z boyfriend is into.

Ghostlighting – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a period of silence.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is affable, accommodating and loyal. The rare boyfriend who is liked by all of his significant other's friends, and a black cat girlfriend's counterpart.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A primarily online subculture of men so obsessed with masturbation that they attempt lengthy sessions, deliberately delaying orgasm so they can continue as long as possible.

H

Heterofatalism – A phenomenon describing many women's increasing pessimism toward straight relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

High-value woman – An stereotype championed by online male influencer figures: a woman who is attractive, ever-comforting and happily domestic, who apparently has no goals of her own other than pleasing her male partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “pessimism” thing better?

I

Ick factors – Random and often mundane turnoffs that immediately shut down any feelings of attraction.

“He would if he cared" – Something to remember after you watch someone else get an incredibly thoughtful display.

J

Professions – These have not been this significant in the romance landscape since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ideal catch: a preppy, Republican-coded guy who will provide (there’s a popular TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd opt for partners in fields they believe are being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: nurses, teachers or counselors.

The Letter K

Making out – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has existed for 16m years. But the era of locking lips may be limited since some Zoomers want fewer sex scenes in movies, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find onscreen intimacy believable.

Light catfishing – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using older (better) photos of yourself on a online profile, or making your job sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {