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We've been close companions for over two decades, who has faced and conquered several challenges, and I respect her for that. Yet, she has been constantly taken by surprise by others. Her spouse ended their marriage, which came as a massive blow. A lot of close acquaintances disappeared then, as they were focused solely on her husband. It shocked her deeply. She made more effort toward our bond, likely realised more clearly what friendship was.

Ongoing Issues of Disappearance

Over the years, quite a few close to her have disappeared and she isn't certain of the reason. The company she worked for turned on her, although she had been highly competent, she departed unaware of what had changed.

Current Dynamics

Recently, both of us stepped back from work and are seeing frequent meetups, but I am finding my position in our friendship is as the audience. I start discussion points and she changes conversation onto her own topics. Regarding political views, she expresses firm beliefs. I try to recommend double-checking information and alternate views.

She has been organizing a holiday to a country I know well many times and lived in for a while. I attempted to offer personal experiences, yet it was met with resistance. She essentially solely sought my agreement with her decisions. I recently come back from four weeks there and she wants to catch up, but I don't.

Evaluating the Situation

I hesitate to act as a friend who cuts and runs without a word, yet I doubt she will ever understand the effect of how she acts on how I feel about myself. At this point, I am in pulling back. How should I proceed?

Possible Paths

You could end things abruptly, yet this is seldom the peaceful resolution we hope for. But confrontation with a view to working things out takes courage and willingness for each of you.

Professional advice indicates using a useful conflict resolution tool:

"The first step is to state the usual pattern in your conversations. Aim for this to be objective and clear like what a recording device would replay. Next is to express how this leaves you feeling. Ideally, there's no disagreement here. Your feelings belong to you, after all. Finally is to question ways you together will alter the interaction between you."

Consider your friend has a point of view, so you need to stay open to hear that. A helpful technique is telling to the other person:

"It's your turn to speak while I will listen without interrupting for half an hour."

This can be impactful in fostering understanding.

Final Thoughts

Your friend could ignore all you say, since certain individuals cling to a self-protecting mindset: they rely on a story about themselves they won't abandon as it feels essential depends upon it and it represents they trust. This is difficult as there is no easy route with these people, just dead ends. But she may start out this way before reflecting about what you've said. And even if you never reach an agreement, you'll have peace knowing you were honest with her.